The festive season is here. Again, we will be provided with a host of options and choices as to how we will spend our time and likely, how we will spend our money. We need to understand and appreciate that in tough and in good times, it's the thought that counts and that people who care about us would prefer our affection and our time. We need to get back to the basics and the simple things.
David and Jan are one of the many Canadian couples who have been affected by changing economic conditions. Their combined earnings this year will be slightly less than their previous year's combined salaries. It's not surprising, then, that David and Jan are concerned about how they and their three teenagers will handle the holiday season on a more limited budget than last year. Nicole, a nurse who has recently moved to Winnipeg from Vancouver, can't get enough time off work to travel home. She will be spending the holidays away from family and friends. Nicole is disappointed because she associates the festive season with warm family gatherings. Peter and Ellen, on the other hand, find family gatherings a source of holiday woes. First, they drive two hours to Peter's parents' home in the country for brunch. Then, they get in the car and drive another two hours to Ellen's mother's home in the city for the holiday dinner. Peter and Ellen are not only tense from the driving and rushing around, but also because neither one of them really feels comfortable with each other's in-laws.
Although not everyone has to cope with these same situations, few people are exempt from facing the demands and stresses of the holiday season. Some will exclude themselves from the pleasures of the festive season by dwelling on the negative aspects of the holidays, rather than on the positive ones. Others will miss out because they overburden themselves with endless preparations for the holiday season. And still others will spoil the holidays for themselves by the all-too common trait of overindulgence—too much eating, drinking or spending.
In each of these circumstances, these men and women tend to overlook that they don't have to be overwhelmed by the holiday celebrations. They need to realize that it's possible to stop thinking about what can't be changed and work on the things that can.
For instance, David and Jan will certainly experience stress if they choose to dwell both on what others have and on what they themselves lack. Difficult as it may be, they can avoid these self-defeating attitudes by focusing on the many pleasant alternatives to spending money. They may even find that a less materialistic view of the holiday season is a more satisfying and meaningful one.
Nicole can stop thinking of the traditional holidays she has enjoyed in the past and try to view this festive season on her own as an adventure. This may mean throwing a small get-together for neighbours or co-workers or reaching out to those who are less fortunate than she is. Although family holiday rituals can be pleasant and help to reinforce the feelings that we are loved, it's important for Nicole to realize that there is no one "right" way to celebrate the holidays.
Whether they realize it or not, Peter and Ellen have allowed themselves to be controlled by other people's expectations. They do have a choice. Perhaps this is the year for them to establish their own tradition by celebrating their special day in their own home appreciating each other or perhaps entertaining a few very close friends whose company they find nourishing. Ellen and Peter can soften their parents' disappointment by arranging to visit at some specific alternative time.
Think about our other examples: those with a negative attitude toward the holidays; those who make the holidays tiring and difficult; those who overindulge. Did you realize that these people are increasing their stress levels? Unfortunately, many people are genuinely unaware that they are causing their own unhappiness
There are a number of things we can do to make ourselves happier during the upcoming holiday season. Here are some:
- Be aware of your needs. Most of us carry on pretty much as we always have during the holidays, regardless of what is going on in our lives. If you have been experiencing a lot of stress at work, for instance, this may be the holiday season for you and your family to take a vacation or simply to rest up at home.
- Perhaps your stress has been triggered by a divorce, a career disappointment or a health problem. You may want to opt out of the usual "fun celebrations" and use the holidays as a time for reflection. You may benefit from some form of spiritual nourishment, from reading a few meaningful books or even from visiting a fitness spa.
- Realize that you don't have to do everything yourself. If you're one of those long-suffering people who get very little enjoyment out of the holiday season because you're overburdened with the chores of the festival season, stop waiting for things to change. Take charge and delegate tasks to family members.
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