Melanie arrives home from work about five minutes before her children make their way home from school.
Sometimes she isn't able to focus on her conversations with the children because she drifts back to issues at work and replays events of the day. Her children often catch Melanie in the midst of her inattention, expressing their frustration by saying, "Mom, you're not listening!"
In another household, a similar scenario unfolds …
Bill finds that he's still thinking about work for at least two hours after he arrives home. When Bill is working on a major project with tight deadlines, he finds himself quietly running over details of the job, even while he is at the dinner table with his family. There are times when Bill's wife finds him distant, and his children find him grouchy for the first few hours after he comes home from work.
Perhaps without their knowing, Melanie and Bill are experiencing one of the most common, yet stressful, events of daily life—making the transition between the workplace and home. For many people, the demands of work and home are a world apart. They may call for a dramatic change in mental approach or a changing of gears, in order to deal effectively with the differing demands. For as long as people have been working outside the home, they have been making this transition. However, in the past few years, workplace and home life demands are increased and do constantly change, making this transition even more difficult.
At work, people are typically dealing with tremendous amounts of information on a daily basis. Technology such as cell phones, fax machines, and computers have enhanced our access to information. We are often required to act on information at the same speed that technology brings it to us. Consequently, at the end of a workday, it can be difficult to shift away from that day's information. Further, if the pace of the workday is very fast, with little time for reflection on events, trying to let go of daily work stress may be problematic for some people.
We may question the importance of making a smooth transition from work to home. The importance, however, lies in our ability to meet the demands and expectations that are placed on us by family and friends outside of the workplace. The way we manage transition can positively or negatively impact our relationships with family and friends. For instance, if Bill is having a difficult time of letting work stress go, and is unable to make a smooth transition to home, this can create or contribute to problems with his wife and children.
Where to start
In the beginning, to improve the way in which we adjust from the work to the home environment, a good place to start is by looking at some of the assumptions that we may hold about this transition. A common assumption that people hold is that the difficulty they are experiencing in changing gears is only temporary. For instance, Bill may think that once he finishes the major project he's working on, he'll be able to relax and spend more time with his family. This may in fact be the case. However, if people are unable to free themselves of their work stress, day-in and day-out, long after the major project is finished, then this may be a sign that they are not making a smooth transition or changing gears effectively.
Another assumption that people may hold is that their family and friends will understand their situation, and will forgive them for their lack of attention to their needs. This may be so over a short period of time. If, however, family and friends are going to be continually subjected to the behaviours that often accompany difficulty in changing gears—impatience, aloofness, inattention, and irritability—they may begin to feel rejected. This can eventually place strain on these important relationships.
Once we identify that we are having difficulty separating work from home, we can look at and implement some strategies for changing gears more quickly, and effectively. Each of us will respond to, or benefit from, different techniques.
Things to do at work
There are some techniques that you can employ at work to assist in the transition. It is helpful to bring closure to each workday, by pulling together a list of all of the activities that are priorities for the next day. This will help free you from thinking about and planning the next day, while you are at home. If you haven't had a chance to do this list before leaving work, you may wish to create it at home. It's important to jot down these activities on paper, so that you will not play the same details over and over again in your mind. You can feel confident that you will remember the details because you've committed them to paper.
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